Thoughts...

I've been off line for a few days because our internet went down. I should have read her news already when my friend Megan called, but I didn't know. Megan is a dear friend of mine. I watched her kids 2 days a week while she worked a few years ago , and her family is very dear to us. She was having a hard time with her pregnancy, and I had offered to have her kids come and stay overnight with us so she could rest. Megan was baking 2 little babies at once, and as you can imagine, needed a lot of extra support and help. I figured it would be a kid reunion for us, and a break for them.

Sadly, I got a call from Megan on Thursday informing me that the kids would not be coming to our house, but would be attending the funeral of their baby brother instead. Megan went into labor on Monday and delivered the twins at around 28 weeks. Both babies were born without a heartbeat. Baby Crew was revived, but Baby Dex had already been gone for possibly several hours.

My heart aches for Megan and her family. And yet, as I attended the funeral service this morning for Baby Dex, I was touched by the faith and courage the Bradshaw family has shown. Megan is a rock. A true fighter. I know this whole experience has rocked her world, but I also know what she's made of. These trials test us of what we are really made of. (Read Megan's own words here.)

It was a beautiful service. I let Spencer choose if he wanted to attend or not. He wanted to come to support his friend Kinley. It was his first funeral, and we spent a lot of time talking about life, death, burial, resurrection, and God. I remember attending a funeral service of a family friend with my dad once. We stayed after and spent a long time walking through the cemetery, looking at graves and talking about life and death. Several years later, we buried my dad in that same cemetery. The words of comfort he had shared with me on behalf of his friend, comforted me in a very personal way.

Interestingly, when Megan called me, I had been working on an entry for TheFamilySoup about my dad, and about Cal's mom, who died when he was 13. I haven't been able to come back to it yet, but I hope to post it soon.

Death is a painful part of life. And yet, as Spencer and I discussed, it is not so painful when you know you are simply saying 'goodbye for now,' instead of goodbye forever. That is real cause for grief! I hope Spencer understood today, that while there is sadness in death, there is life in the fact that we are eternal beings. We don't just go away. He has a very tender little spirit and I'm glad he came with me. Because of our backgrounds, both Cal and I feel it is important to discuss with our kids the realities of losing a family member or loved one. I know we won't be by our kid's sides forever, and I want them to have a clear memory of their mom and dad reassuring them that it is all ok, and for them to feel the immediate peace and comfort I felt when I first heard the words that my dad had died. I knew that what I had been taught in my religion growing up was true. That knowledge was confirmed again to me today. You can't fabricate that kind of peace. It is the kind of peace that strikes your very core and fills you with certainty and with strength.

So as I'm letting my thoughts go tonight, I wonder how much to write on my personal blog, and what to post on TheFamilySoup. I think way too much, and perhaps it bores people. I am prone to write, I write as therapy, and I write the things that I think would be selfish for me to keep to myself. It's either write, or down that bag of leftover Halloween candy I bought on sale. Writing is cheaper, and healthier! So I am what I am and it is what it is! Here's to my free therapy today...